Shakespeare Café

We’ve Made Some Totally Planned Changes to America’s 250th

· The Atlantic

Wonderful news! We’ve got a killer lineup for the Great American State Fair to celebrate America’s 250th! Nine amazing featured performers! The hottest ticket of the summer!

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Ah, hang on. Many of the performers are complaining that they were tricked into performing. Martina McBride wrote on X that she had been told “this was a nonpartisan event,” but that is “in fact, not what is happening.”

Oops! All of those featured performers have dropped out except for the C&C Music Factory, half of Milli Vanilli (dropped out while I was editing this!), and Vanilla Ice. And maybe, still, Flo Rida? But don’t worry! Nothing will stop Vanilla Ice from performing. “When I play events, I never ask about them,” Mr. Ice told CBS News. “I just go, ‘Where am I going?’ I don’t even know and I don’t even care.” Indeed, it is less a question of where he is willing to perform than of who can stop him. “I’d go play for anybody,” Ice continued, to CBS. “Putin. Whoever. You want—I’d go to Iran. Don’t matter.”

The lineup will still be amazing, though. We promise. The slot formerly occupied by a performance from the Commodores will now be filled with the sound of a lone Gadsden flag flapping on its pole. The slot formerly occupied by Milli Vanilli will be taken by a dog whistle, being blown into the microphone very loudly so that everyone winces and covers their ears. The slot formerly occupied by Bret Michaels will be taken by Stephen Miller standing silently and staring until the hairs stand up on the back of your neck and the very air around you curdles. You were holding a flower in your hand, but when you look down at the flower, it has withered. So has the hand holding it. Your youth! Your youth! What has become of your youth? In your arms, your baby begins to cry and cry and will not be soothed. Sometimes, at night, the baby startles awake and you know whose visage has come to cast its shadow on his dream. (Stephen is also available for birthday parties.)

The slot formerly occupied by Morris Day and the Time will be filled by the time alone. Not the musical act but the ineluctable, relentless passage of time that is all that separates us from the grave.

The slot formerly occupied by a crowd full of people excited to be there will be occupied by grass and also, maybe, if we are lucky, some troops. I’m being told this will be a standing-room-only event—no crowds, just standing room!

Instead of music, we will have something even better than music—maybe a speech by someone very special. I don’t dare to guess who! I’m told he gets bigger crowds than Elvis, which makes sense. Elvis has been dead for 49 years. This special person might even be one of the sponsors of this event! He might be taking a break from a very important job just to speak to us. You might know his name—it was recently added to, and—even more recently—required by a judge to be subtracted from, the Kennedy Center.

Yes! You guessed right! Instead of celebrating 250 years of our beautiful republic with music to be enjoyed by all, we will have a lengthy, rambling speech by Donald J. Trump, to be enjoyed by none. It’s almost the same, just worse! That’s the theme of America on its 250th anniversary! Almost the same, just worse!

Get your tickets now!  

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CBS News fires ‘60 Minutes’ correspondent Scott Pelley after clash with new producer

· NBC News

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'There Was Absolutely No Way Out': Residents Describe Horror Of Malviya Nagar Blaze - VIDEO

· Free Press Journal

Heartbreaking accounts have emerged from survivors, rescuers and distraught family members following the devastating fire at a hotel in Delhi's Malviya Nagar that killed at least 21 people, most of them foreign nationals.

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Residents living near the building described scenes of panic as trapped guests screamed for help while flames rapidly engulfed lower floors, cutting off escape routes.

Mansoor, who lives directly opposite the hotel, said locals rushed to assist after hearing desperate cries from inside the building. According to him, the hotel's electronic entrance gate automatically locked at night and became unusable after the fire caused a power outage.

"We could hear people shouting 'Help, help' from inside," he said. "The fire had spread across the ground and first floors, trapping people on the upper floors. There was absolutely no way out."

Delhi Tragedy: Death Toll Rises To 21 After Massive Malviya Nagar Fire; PM Narendra Modi Announces ₹2 Lakh Ex-Gratia For Victims’ Families | Video

Mansoor said residents broke windows using bricks and stones and later gathered mattresses from nearby hotels to cushion the fall of people attempting to jump from upper floors. He recalled a dramatic rescue in which a woman tried to descend using a rope stretched from a nearby building.

"The rope slipped, but she landed on the mattresses and survived," he said.

Another local resident, Wasim Raja from Hauz Rani village, said villagers were among the first responders at the scene.

"We took mattresses from a nearby damaged shop and spread them on the road so people could jump safely," he said. "Several foreign nationals were pulled out unconscious. Villagers, fire personnel and police worked together to rescue many people. We suffered injuries from broken glass during the operation."

Sher Khan, another eyewitness, described the worsening situation as flames intensified.

"People from the third floor jumped onto mattresses with a small child. One woman said she had fractured her leg. The public made every possible effort, but the fire kept getting worse," he said.

As rescue operations continued, anguish gripped hospitals where relatives searched for missing loved ones. One family member alleged that authorities were providing little information about victims' whereabouts.

"We do not know where our loved ones are. We are very frustrated," the relative said.

Another woman said her 42-year-old daughter, Tarini Agarwal, and two granddaughters, aged 20 and 17, were missing. "The police called us, but the hospital administration is not telling us anything," she said.

The tragedy has left behind stories of bravery, desperation and grief as authorities continue efforts to identify victims and determine the cause of the blaze.

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